


Difficult

by cadmiumredvulpini



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Such a drama queen, can;t get over it, dramaqueen!Kili, kilbo - Freeform, kilbooooo, kilboooooooooo!!!, ugh overdramatic Kili
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2014-04-15
Packaged: 2018-01-19 11:52:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1468471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadmiumredvulpini/pseuds/cadmiumredvulpini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili loves Bilbo...</p><p>Maybe a little too much. Bilbo falls out of love... or does he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Difficult

**Author's Note:**

> Aida had a Kilbo Week, might as well...

"Kili-cat, you okay?"

The brunettee needed not cock his head to see who the owner of the voice was. Only his brother knew to call him his childhood nickname.

It had been Kili-cat ever since he was eleven, when his parents noted how much he resembled a cat — how he slinked gracefully from trouble and leapt nimbly from great heights. And when he had grown to his twenties without a full dwarven beard, the nickname turned into an insult, how he was too catlike: graceful, slender and beardless. Now, the name was used by his brother to draw him from his thoughts.

He was slumped on the ground, knees to his chest, his eyes downcast and depressed. His head leaned on his knees, thick locks of hair falling over his face.

Kili made a sound of utter desolation instead of issuing a verbal response. Fili thought it had resembled a cat, but he pushed the thought aside and sat next to his brother.

"What's wrong?" Fili placed his hand on his brother's head, caressing the soft head of hair. "You can tell me."

Kili sniffed and wiped his tears before he said. "I just don't understand,"

"Understand what?" The blonde replied, his forehead creasing.

Kili tried to compose himself before answering by slowing his breathing, but he still couldn't stop himself from being interrupted by quick breaths. "I just – don't understand – why – he doesn't – love me."

Fili sighed, before his brother continued.

"I gave him – all I had."  Kili's hands balled into fists at this. "I thought – he loved me – back."

Fili placed his brother's head in his shoulder. Kili was so young, so fragile. Fili rarely saw his brother like this, in fact, the last time he saw Kili like this was when their father died. And that was fifty years ago.

He didn't understand the concept of love. How being in love didn't mean that the one you're in love with had to fall in love with you back. It hurt Fili to say this, but he did. "Sometimes, the one you love doesn't love you back, Kili."

His younger brother made a sound not unlike a whine, and Fili took it to mean "Why?"

Fili learned unrequited love much like this. The hard way, in a fit of tears and sharp intakes of breath. He once fell for a dwarrow when he was a mere 21. He told him he loved him, his eyes filled with love and emotion. It welled up in him for two years, before he finally told him. And when he did he did it crying into the dwarf's shoulder, whispering "I love you, I love you, no matter what," Fili laughed inwardly at the memory of a young and stupid him.

Fili's eyes then turned to Bilbo, who was laughing with Ori and Bofur. They were probably telling him the naked dwarf-lady story. When they had thought they entered a male bathing house and were shocked to find that none of the other dwarves had anything dangling in between their legs.

Fili wanted to be mad at Bilbo, but there was something about the circumstances that seemed odd. Out of place. Then Bilbo met his eyes.

When the hobbit saw Kili's depressed form, the mirthful expression on his face turned to worry before he rushed over to the brown-haired prince.

"What's wrong?" He fretted. There was a look of genuine concern on his face as he framed Kili's face with both of his hands. He caressed his hair as if it were made of the purest gold. "Kili, love. Tell me what's wrong."

Then it hits Fili. _What's going on?_ He thought, eyes disbelieveing. _I thought he didn't love him back? What was going on?_

He saw Bilbo whispering something to Kili, before his brother whispers something back. Bilbo laughed loudly before he said. "You silly crybaby."

Kili's eyes were still streaming tears, but the expression on his face turned from hopeless to the happiest expression in Middle Earth. Bilbo leaned in close, still laughing. "You're so dramatic. All this because I wasn't able to say I love you too? I thought you'd have figured it out by then?"

Kili held his lover tight, his hands possesively claiming Bilbo's back as he whispered. " _I love you, Bilbo Baggins, and I will never let you go._ "

 _What an idiot_ , Fili thought, a smile gracing his lips.

#

Over the course of a week, Kili was already driving Bilbo mad. And not in a positive sense.

It wasn't the fact that Kili followed him everywhere, it was the fact that Kili followed him _everywhere_. Yes, it may have seemed sweet and thoughtful at first, but in time it had grown possesive, cumbersome and _annoying._

Bilbo couldn't spark a fire without Kili constantly telling him to be careful, and that he wouldn't find the strength to live if he'd died, no matter how many _I'm fine_ s and _It's just a fire_ s Bilbo assured him. Bilbo was feeling suffocated, and when his vexation had reached paramount, Bilbo snapped.

"Kili! You are driving me mad!" Bilbo screamed while he was sharpening a blade with Kili's body over him, guiding his hands. "I've done this a thousand times over the journey and it's not that hard of a chore! You're getting possesive, and selfish, and, and... annoying!"

"What if you had cut yourself? Do you think I'd be able to live knowing that I let you get hurt? Do you think that–"

"I've had enough! If you think this is what a relationship is, well it isn't! I want a break!" Bilbo sighed.

"W-what do you mean?" Kili asked, his voice breaking.

"A _break_ Kili," Bilbo said, exasperation evident in his tone. "A break from... from us."

"I — I was just... I – okay." Kili said, the resignated look on his face turning into absolute desolation. Again.

He was hopeless.

He slumped onto the tree next to Fili, sighing deeply trying to attract his attention. When his brother did not stir from his thoughts, Kili whined, the high pitched desolate sound rousing Fili.

"Aren't you just annoying?" Fili muttered.

The brunette was brought to tears after hearing the word and fixed his hands to his face. Fili huffed before placing his arms around Kili's shoulders. "What's wrong this time? You can always tell me," The blonde said, thinking. _Is it going to be like this all the time? Mahal, give me a break._

"He _broke up_ with me!" Kili said, momentarily lifting his head.

"Oh, come on, Kili, maybe you're just overreacting," _Like last time_ , Fili thought.

"He... He said we needed a break." The youngest prince said through sobs.

"That's different," The blonde assured him. "What else did he tell you?"

Kili straightened his back, trying to regain his composure. "He... He said I was possesive, and selfish, and... _annoying_!"

Fili thought for a moment. Ever since Kili and Bilbo had been together, he's rarely talked to the hobbit, let alone see him. Kili was always frowning when Bilbo's attention was elsewhere. Sometimes even, Kili outright excuses Bilbo and leaves a big, obvious mark on his neck or arms, or bruises him somewhere along his shoulder that he can see when the company is taking short baths.

Kili was never one to be careful about his belongings, always ending up breaking or misplacing one thing or another, but with Bilbo he was so overprotective. _Probably a means of compensation_ , Fili thought.

But Bilbo had always been okay with it. He never heard an outburst, a complaint or even a subtle remark that he didn't like it. In fact he even seemed to like it. But evidently he had been wrong. Bilbo _did_ mind, and this is what it's come to.

"I'm sure he'll turn up soon," Fili assured his brother. "He always does, for you." And yet in the back of his head, some part of him disagreed.

#

A week had passed without a word exchanged between the burglar and the youngest dwarf prince. Fili was getting worried for his brother had never seemed so down.

The blonde sat down next to Dwalin, who was sharpening his axe. "Dwalin," He called his attention. "I need to ask of you a favor."

Dwalin nodded. "Anything ya want laddie."

"Well, I... I want you to do a little... surveillance. Just, just keep an eye on out hobbit. Kili's been really..." Fili looked away.

"I understand. I do miss his jokes and tomfoolery." Dwalin laughed. "I thought they were so perfect for each other."

"I thought so too." Fili admitted, shrugging.

#

As the days passed, Bilbo only looked happier, according to Dwalin's reports. The youngest prince was dead inside, all the youth and life drained from his face.

He was always found skulking by the camp's edge or staring at the hobbit from a distance. Kili was a wreck without Bilbo, all the light gone from his eyes and his usually cheerful demeanor nothing but a memory.

"I–I don't know why he's so happy," Kili bemoaned to his elder brother. "He doesn't seem to be affected by our separation. Does he not feel the same, brother?"

Something else was ringing in Kili's voice. It wasn't only desparation and hopelessness. There was something else completely, something darker.

"Kili-cat, please understand," Fili tried to explain. "Different people deal with breakup differently. It might just be Bilbo's way of healing."

"What about us?"

Fili opened his mouth but found nothing to say. He slipped his arm around his brother (who was losing weight) and leaned in. He did not expect the outburst that followed.

"Get away from me!" Kili hissed. "Don't touch me!"

"Kili," Fili started before his brother turned away.

"Leave me." The younger man ordered.

#

As time passed, Kili's anger only boiled into rage. Time did not seem to assuage Kili's emotions, but served as the mold in which he cast his anger. But his only outlet was Fili, and rightly so, because Fili was so tolerant, and temperate.

Fili was not surprised when in the coming nights, a hobbit woke him from his fitful slumber.

"Is it time for my watch?" Fili asked before Bilbo nodded.

"Yes, and I wish to talk to you."

They headed to the edge of the woods, where the rest of the company will not hear them.

"I–I'd like to know how Kili is." Bilbo said nervously.

"He's..." Fili decided not to lie. "He's terrible."

Bilbo remained silent, but in the dim moonlight, he made out the pained expression on his face.

"He's a wreck without you, you know."

"I... I do, but why does he keep making things difficult." The hobbit admitted, slumping against a tree.

"He's young. Give him some time, please. Let him adjust. Teach him how to love you..."

"There's one problem," Bilbo said, looking up at Fili. "I'm not in love anymore."

"What?"

"Don't you see? If I truly loved him, would I be here asking you how he is? I would be there, sleeping next to him. I would be snuggling by his side, whispering secrets and promises into his ear."

"Then why aren't you?" Fili argued, biting his lip. "You sure sound like you want to."

"Do I?" Bilbo asked biting his lip. He hadn't really figured it out yet.

 

 


End file.
